After decades of difficulty processing pain and fear feelings that show up as a result of dealing with the combative people in my life, I am finally deciding that enough is enough. I will no longer tolerate how people overlook, overrule, outnumber and outpace me. And I am extracting myself from the vicious cycle of trying to be helpful-hitting rock bottom-recovering-emerging-trying to be helpful again-and then once again, finding myself hitting rock bottom.
During one of my Rock Bottom Events...
I asked myself,
"Who Cares for the Carer??"
And why is there such a huge discrepancy between how long-term carers are treated by others versus how we ought to be treated??

And...What is the #1 skill we must master
in order to quickly rise above our challenges
and our challengers.

When we are dwelling in our lowest points, we need to systematically pull ourselves up in the most efficient and effective way possible so we can get back to caring for our child with profound special needs.

It is not sustainable for us to just hope for the best and to wait for our bodies to feel like performing all the daily tasks.

We must have a reliable system that we can follow in order to get up from the current low point and then to minimize future low point frequency, intensity and duration.

That is why I created my Proven Process:
the Cross~Links Journey©

Based on the principle that when you mix ingredients to make bread dough, you create interactions, known as cross-links. And then, during the last stage before you bake the dough, the dough rises or proofs. During this proofing time, the dough requires the right amount of time and temperature to create the best flavor, texture and appearance.

Just like dough needs the ingredients to interact and then time to rest and rise (proof), we need to interact with others and then take time to rest, reflect and rise.

The tricky part is...
Our personal interactions with those who project their fears and insecurities onto us can be very painful and detrimental to our health.

So why bother to respectfully interact with people who mistreat us and then leave us to be the ones who have take time out of our days to pause, think, rest, reflect, and rise? What's in it for us?

The medical profession's Hippocratic oath instructs us to "Do no harm."

The stoic philosophy encourages us to
do the right thing because it is the right thing to do, no matter how tempting it is to retaliate.

Similarly, Biblical scripture describes interacting with others as a way to "Bear Fruit" and guides us to "bless those who curse you, pray for those who are cruel to you" (Luke 6:28) and "to do unto others as you would have them do to you", (Luke 6:31) (odb.org)

If we interact with others and do not have a constructive way to process, release and recycle the pain into something new and useful, then we risk losing more than just time and energy. We might lose:
1) access to resources and resourceful people.
2) ability to help others
3) experiences that might enrich our lives
4) preparation in a relatively safe setting for us to learn, internalize and then generalize new info, insights and skills for future life interactions.

Essentially, if people recognize us by our fruit (Luke 6:44), then it makes sense to work hard to override our natural fight/flight instincts and engage our problem solving skills. When we perform with poise, especially when under attack, others will realize on some level that
we are a force for good.

Just remember, when we behave differently (especially in a positive and constructive manner) and in stark contrast to how others want us to behave, we must anticipate that they might
push back, pummel, ignore or isolate us.
The key is to view their push back as proof of our positive progress.

That is why we must have a system in place to help us master the #1 skill that keeps us from sinking to and staying at rock bottom.

Ultimately, when we really want and need to perform at our best in a challenging situation, following a Proven Process can help us become metabolically efficient in our ability to create constructive thoughts and actions and to eliminate destructive thoughts and reactions. Then, whether or not we receive external rewards, we can experience internal feelings of accomplishment and fulfillment. From this place of peace and forgiveness, we can then share our skills and knowledge with others.

With my Proven Process Cross~Links Journey©, I guide you through 6 battle tested steps (each has 5 sections) that I use to replace destructive ancestral knee-jerk reactions with constructive next-gen thoughtful responses. As a result of my professional training, personal experiences, soul search and research, and the promise I made to myself as a 7 year-old girl, I am living proof that it is possible to evolve rather than to dissolve from challenges and challengers.

By working through the Cross~Links Journey©, with me or on your own,
you have the opportunity to leverage my learning and to master the #1 skill you need to cope with and recover from painful interactions and to role model excellence for others to witness and emulate.

This Proven Process works especially well for carers who live or work with children who exhibit profound special needs such as combative behaviour.
To help carers apply the Cross~Links Journey© into their daily routine,
I wrote my book, Calm Carer~Calm Child©.
In my book I speak directly to the long-term carer and I offer specific insights and techniques to enable them to progress from feeling pain and punishment to feeling poise and confidence.

Cross~Links Journey© also works well with those who live the mainstream life and who face challenging interactions at work, home and in the community. My experiences prove that those who work and live in mainstream society benefit tremendously from the lessons and perspectives we Long-term carers have to offer as a result of managing our children with profound special needs.

Coming Soon:
I will be Journeying Onward with You
and guiding you through your Cross~Links Journey© through online course and video conference formats.

The reason I will be Journeying Onward with You is that I still need to build my resilience and my desensitization to pain that comes my way. This is why I invite you to join me and together we can continue to level up our lives.

This website is my way of helping others while I continue to learn and grow and to lift while I climb.
My intention is to advocate for cooperation, collaboration, conflict resolution, and ultimately mutual transformation.

To live my message and to prove that it is possible to recover from rock bottom and rise above challenges, I am announcing my pledge for the rest of 2023 and into 2024 and beyond...

My Pledge:

Every month, in purposeful response to a painful feeling that comes to my attention, I will donate to a charity that serves those in a pain that is similar to the pain I feel.

This will allow me to look forward to challenging interactions and to willingly forgive those who are: combative and critical of me; who relentlessly resist my requests; who rudely refuse to accommodate my needs; or who reluctantly acknowledge the unique skills, knowledge and perspectives that I bring to a situation.

I will no longer fear a situation or interaction.
I will simply "recycle the refuse."

My intention is to "guard [my] heart"
(Proverbs 4:23), which means to replace resentment with forgiveness and to role model excellence...in any setting.

Think of My Charity Challenge Pledge  
like a Food & Beverage Taste Pairing~
I will match a charity that serves those who are feeling the pain that I experience.

For example, for the pain of feeling like I am a nuisance to be with, I am donating to the charity "Hopes and Homes.org."

Another example: for the pain that comes with blaming, shaming and silencing me, I am donating to "Camfed.org."

If you know there is more to life than pain for pain's sake and you want to find out how you can master the #1 skill you need to replace painful reactions with purposeful responses, then please join me and let me know if you would like me to feature you on my website.
Email me at dmeissnerproven@gmail.com
In your email, I invite you to
share the name of your pain
(ie. grief, fear, isolation, etc) and share
the act you are doing to recycle pain into purpose (ie. giving to a charity). Or click on one of the buttons on the main website page to submit your request.
If you allow me to feature you on this website, then I will send you the link for the Flip Book version of my book, Calm Carer~Calm Child©. This will give you immediate access to the digital version of my book. 

Through this website I will post
1) which charity I donate to each month
2) resources and revelations
that you might find useful personally or useful for someone you care about.
3) features of those who message me and submit their pain-to-charity-match

I have come to the realization that, at times, I am what people may need in their lives but not necessarily what they want in their lives. They have their own stressors that trigger their inner wounds and they may not be able to afford the time, energy or resources to process their pain with a professional. I get it. However, by establishing and enforcing healthy boundaries, I will demonstrate to my challengers that I will not tolerate their habitual patterns of overlooking, overruling, outnumbering, and outpacing me because I now believe I am worthy of respect. This is why I am embracing the benefits of being a disruptor and the importance of desensitizing my psyche to the painful reactions that others throw at me like a hot-potato. Because if they behave in their knee-jerk manner to someone else, that "someone else" might not respond to them as politely as I might.

Ultimately, we cannot inspire others to treat us with respect; rather, we must believe we are worthy and then we must shift our response patterns when they mistreat us.

This shift in response patterns is
the #1 skill we must master and Cross~Links Journey© is
the system we can use to quickly self-arrest our own knee-jerk reactions.

As I work to quickly and automatically shift my pain reaction posture into purpose response posture, I prove to myself and to my children that something good can result from my highly sensitive personality and my trauma survivor issues. The recent "something good" items include: my Cross~Links Journey© Proven System; my Calm Carer~Calm Child© book; and my 12 month Charity Challenge.

If you can relate to what I have written and you want to learn more about my Proven Process (Cross~Links Journey©),
please
Email me at dmeissnerproven@gmail.com or click on the button below to submit your request.

l look forward to Journeying Onward with You and
Maximizing Every Moment along the way.

Now is the time to recycle pain into purpose

Get Featured on this Website and
Share How You Transform Pain into Purpose

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